History

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I was somewhat confused last week for a couple of days. They were not good days, to be fair. I was walking in the old part of my town, where houses sit in quaint or highly maintained beauty. I like old houses, although I wouldn’t necessarily want to live in one. I love the quality of materials, the ornate details, the spacious feel of them, the established gardens. I wouldn’t want to take care of one by myself though, they were not meant for it and I would end up resenting it.

But I digress…

I was confused because here I was, watching history, surrounded by it, and yet I longed for history with everything in me, until it was painful. It took a lot of walking and analysing to figure out that, like beauty in another article, it was the degree of history, for want of a better word, that I was getting all muddled up about. Let’s see if I can explain.

I live in a very young country, set on very young land. Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy living here and there is something to be said about the rebellious certainty of youth, children and teenagers alike. When I arrived here, I was in human years a bit older than this country. But human years being what they are, I am now much older than this country. A different generation already. Hence part of my discontent. From peer I feel now like a parent, wanting to guide, to teach, to shelter. If you have teenagers you know how well that will go down

I am grumbling, I know. There is nothing to be done, there is no substitute for time and experience both. So there is no fault. It’s just that, human years being what they are, I will be long gone before anything changes, and that is annoying

The confusion I felt was exactly this generation gap. The houses I was admiring are old in human years alone, and even then just barely. The history I was longing and yearning for goes a lot further back. Not just in human history, but sheer age of the land. Something to lean on to without feeling guilty I suppose

I can see only two ways forward. No, I am not going to get over myself. Denying a need does not a content human being make!

First of all I can get closer to the natural world of this country, especially as represented in the myths and legends of the native people. There is, after all, a time line of nature that might even be called permanence in our language.

The second thing I can do is travel to a place that has the history I need. Like burnt out execs blobbing in an all-inclusive resort I can also go to get my fill of history in older countries set on older land.

Sounds simple and in a way it is… now for the waiting until money and other things line up… maybe start with a passport as my Christmas present?

Lists

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Being December, things get busy. Two parties in one day when the rest of the year you can get through a month without one. I like this kind of busy, don’t get me wrong, it’s just that I feel the need to make lists. Lists of presents. Lists of things to do. Lists of things that need to be bought. Lists of parties. Lists of people to get together in one room at one of the parties already listed… ok, so that list and the other list can now be combined 🙂

You see what I mean?

Then there are other things. Lists of dreams and projects and decisions and resolutions and budgets etc. I am the type of person who would much rather start a project now than in January. I don’t get worked up, motivated, I tend to lose patience with something that I am waiting for… the operative word being patience, of which, as you know, I have none. 🙂

So I was thinking of experiences. Because while I need to plan some things, others get better the fresher they are. It is a long-standing joke in my family that New Year’s party planning starts at the end of November, but the decision is made on the 31st (or the 30th if travel is required, but not always). Then you know who’s going to be there but not necessarily where and in what way it’s going to be so you either go with the flow or get upset. I’d rather go with the flow, but then I happen to like the people I spend the New Year party with.

Experiences are not limited to parties and travel though (although they are on my mind as 1. I am going to do both and 2. I haven’t had any for a while). I was also thinking of other experiences. Being a bit of a nerd, it is easy to limit myself to books as they give me such pleasure each time. But then I also remember that books are not alone.

Music comes next, but it becomes difficult. Books are easy as I am very clear about what I like and what would suit my mood for the day (ok, hour, as I usually have more than one book on the go at the same time). Music… not so easy. Music without words is the norm if I am anxious, stressed, sad or upset. One step up from that is choral music, especially Gregorian, if I need courage on the way. Then it’s a free for all mostly, drawing the line at hip hop and punk.

Looking at things also comes easy to someone who reads. Paintings, architecture, sculpture, museums, gardens, nature in general.

Movement is another one of my things. Dance mostly, as I prefer to read theatre plays (I know, weird, eh?). I remember being mesmerized by Chinese ballet when I was a child, need to look into it again. And Cirque de Soleil is definitely on any list of things to do in this lifetime. Let’s not forget the natural movement, either. Hiking is preferred, although walking will do in a pinch. I am interested in mushrooms lately, need to find a nice pine plantation and see what I can scrounge, combining movement with eating, which I also enjoy. Speaking of food, what to experiment with? I’ve tried icecream and liqueurs to go with it, now let’s try something else that’s summery and yummy… salads and other light dishes.

See, lists are useful, no denying. But I think what I like most about lists is that they are motivational.

As in, no excuses! 🙂