Most of the time I feel quite competent, thank you very much! Then I figure out I still have a lot to learn… duh! But most of the time what I need to learn is quite clear and, as I have a passion for it, I just go forth and learn it.
Occasionally though I get… lost, for want of a better word. It is clear I need to learn something, but what exactly that is takes a bit of time to decipher and, in some cases, once I have done that, I also discover that the knowledge I am trying to acquire is… undesirable. That in itself is enough to put me off my food. Then I have my inevitable response to the anger and disappointment of others (I get upset, you know?). Put those together and I need to have quiet conversations with my cellular mechanisms regarding getting back into balance or else
“This too shall pass” and all that aside, after I have played Killer Sudoku and Scrabble in an attempt to distract my brain so I can deal with my gut without interference, after listening to calming piano music to allow the gut to relax and then gone outside to get my hands in the earth (rain and cold… oh, my poor hands!), then I can re-engage the brain into analysis. I do this better with someone to talk to – surprise!
If the crisis is of small to medium proportions I have found that talking it through works even if the other person doesn’t respond the way I need. You know what I mean: they have had it worse than me, it could have been worse, don’t worry about it, why are you being so upset…
If the crisis is big however then I need to find someone who will listen to me rant and rave, then bring me back to analysis. Apart from a few beautiful friends, I have found counselling amazing from this point of view and for the short term. I am aware that I could have done the same thing to and with myself… it would have taken me years though, with counselling it was all done and dusted in a few sessions (no, not the pain, just the acceptance and the context). I think it’s because, warm as that person was, there was nothing personal that I needed to invest. I didn’t need to feel embarrassed I was taking up precious time. I didn’t have to take into account life views or beliefs. I almost didn’t build a relationship and made do with rapport. Listen and direct to problem was all I needed and the counsellor performed beautifully
I also tend to procrastinate if there’s something wrong. Maybe it will sort itself out. Maybe it will just disappear of its own accord. Maybe other people will do it. Of course I know I am going to feel worse until the situation is resolved and feeling worse spurs me to anger most of the time, anger gives me the motivation to act and then I find out that either the situation is not as bad as it appeared… or it’s just as bad and now I know it, therefore can deal with it.
So there, now off to plant the garlic, read (yet more!) Harry Potter and sort out the paperwork