The brain is weird. Mine is, for sure, but I don’t know anybody else’s that isn’t. Who can honestly say that they have never had a thought so far removed from their usual pattern that they hastened to suppress it… or indulge in it
Well, this weird brain, with which I am in loving but unholy alliance, has this issue about survival. It makes contingency plans. It insists I carry my cellphone with me at all times, even when it’s a nuisance. It remembers plants that kill better than plants that heal – then finds them in the garden. It maps exits and cardinal points in every room the eyes can see. So far, so suspicious.
But the darling believes that the best chance of survival it has is to make me as capable as possible. This is the training regime I am constantly being reminded of:
Stand up straight, don’t show fear, take control of the situation.
I don’t trust that person – don’t back away, silly, get closer and find out why.
Develop your upper body strength, you know that is your weak point.
Why didn’t you enrol in those self-defence classes?
No, I don’t like to see humans treated inhumanely (news, movies, documentaries, Freud) but if you don’t know how will you be able to endure it if it applies to you?
Remember to take the little one’s inhalers if you have to run.
High heels? How are you going to run in them? Fine, you look good in them, now pack a pair of flats just in case.
Dangly earrings? Don’t you like your ears firmly attached to your head?
Did you remember to fill the almond and sultana box at work? How about the tuna?
What do you mean you are not taking a jacket? Yes, I know it’s 40 C outside, at least put it in the car, you don’t have to carry it!
I don’t care that that handbag is cute, the strap is not long enough for you to put it on your shoulders! Hands should remain free! Yes, a wrist strap is acceptable – barely!
Now I don’t have to listen to my brain… as long as I am prepared to put up with extreme lack of comfort So I usually compromise, which keeps it in the nagging rather than screaming mode. I still haven’t enrolled in self-defence classes and my upper body strength is negligible. But my attire satisfies it most of the time – it helps that I am in that kind of profession – and I bring enough food at work – money, you know?
So bring it on! I am, after all, prepared!